A Heart-Wrenching Moment

This past week, I learned a major lesson from my children. When A.J. had his seizure in the doctor's office, and they were working on him in the treatment room, they asked me to leave the room. I sat in the outside area (crying, of course) and became very angry at God. I have never felt that before and have never felt it since. I kept thinking, "You asked me to surrender my life to ministry, and now we moved to a town I did not want to be in. You can't take my child, too." Of course, that is something I have repented from and really come to grips with since then.

When Abigail laid on the ER table, and I could feel those feelings come back again, I immediately decided I would not be angry at God. I was just so thankful to have her. Instead, I decided to sing praise choruses to her. I have always sang "Sanctuary" to my kids, and I started to sing, but halfway through I realized I was singing "Lord I Life Your Name on High." That is actually a song I don't like, and I started on the part I hate most, "You came from heaven to earth, to show the way. From the earth to the cross, my debt to pay. From the cross to the grave..." Then it hit me.... how can I be asking God to save my little girl and spare her from pain when he gave His son to die for something He didn't even do. Wow! What a moment for me.

God has taught me so much through my children, but now, I think I am finally understanding Christmas. God sent His innocent Son to die for my guilt. What a gift. I am so blessed to have children at all and every day I have them is one more day of a gift He has given me. Of course, I pray for God to keep my children safe and healthy, and in these moments, I realize that is more than I can ever ask! I am so blessed.